Happiness VS. Joy

Happiness, they say, is elusive. Happiness finds you some days and other days it's off somewhere in the produce isle checking out the Granny Smith apples that are half off; only you are stuck behind Madame Slowsberry as she parks her cart in the center of the isle and looks as if it might be less of a headache to wait for her than to ask her to move over. 

so where is happiness in those times of frustration and annoyance?

happily chomping on a nice crisp apple nowhere to be found by you

of course, that is how it seems most days

The truth is. Happiness is much like your keys. You always have them up until the moment you have to drive and then suddenly when you need them, they're nowhere to be found. simply put the moment we desperately need happiness, it deserts us. 

Happiness peaks the moment you find out you made it into your dream college but then quickly seeps away as you realize that you won't be able to afford it.

Happiness is there the moment your crush FINALLY texts you, but then quickly catches the first flight out of there once you realize he is about as interesting as a box of rocks.

Happiness holds your hand as you buy your first NAKED palette, but disappears somewhere when you realize that you have no idea how to use it. 

I find it highly interesting that out world is so obsessed with obtaining the unobtainable. It isn't rocket science that happiness only comes in spurts. Everyone knows it doesn't last. So why are there countless books, countless public speakers, countless diets, and countless tips on how to get and keep this happiness. It is impossible. and the failure people feel from not being able to keep what has never been meant to be kept leaves people in a feeling of worthlessness and failure.  

Even God, the creator of the perfect paradise for the very first humans. The creator of all humanity. he explained that life was not intended to be happy all the time.  "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  John 16:33 

In this world you will have trouble

In this world you will not be happy all the time

In this world, you will not enjoy lemonade and pick daises all the time

It is extremely frustrating for me to see young girls and guys get their information about happiness off Facebook or other social networking sites. To them, happiness is posting a big smile on Instagram and getting a whole bunch of likes. 

To them, happiness comes from getting advice from reliable BuzzFeed articles (I'm not saying they are bad, because I enjoy a Buzz every now and again) However, my problem is that people are given all the wrong information about this misunderstood happiness. 

It isn't even happiness we should be looking for. 

ItS JOY. HAPPINESS'S TOTALLY UNDERVALUED COUSIN WHO WAS ACTUALLY THE BETTER CHILD BUT GOT NONE OF THE CREDIT.  *gasp of air*

wait, so whats the difference between happiness and joy?

Well jeepers, I am so glad you asked because I have an answer! Happiness is defined as a fleeting or unanticipated present good. Joy, however, is described as only something possible through the supernatural.

Welp. I guess we are all doomed then because I ain't got no Netflix and can't watch no Supernatural.

SUPERNATURAL AS IN JESUS WHO LIKE WALKED ON WATER AND HEALED BLIND MEN AND RAISED DEAD MEN FROM THE GRAVE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I WOULD CONSIDER THAT PRETTY SUPER NATRAL-ESK 

Whew, man, I need to take a minute to catch my breath

Joy is created through continuous fellowship with God. 

So what are some synonyms for joy?

1. Peace

2. Assurance

3. Wellbeing 

4. Solace

5. Satisfaction

6. Contentment

7. Purpose

Joy is the root of our Christian walk. It would be very troubling to see a born again believer without any joy. Born again believers have this in-containable joy. They have to tell everyone about what God has done in their life. How he has redeemed them. Changed them. Saved them. They no longer dwell on all that is wrong but are all consumed by the gist they have been freely given of eternal life that the other stuff no longer even fazes them. 

However, the longer we are Christians, the less sparkly and satisfying this promise seems

We lose the joy.  

but like I said before, Joy comes from continuos fellowship with God.  

Praying daily.

Reading the word of God daily. 

Jesus told his disciples to consider it pure JOY when they faced trials 

To consider it joy when they were persecuted for righteousness sake

For the sake of living the life God has called us to live

To consider it ...... J O Y  

JOY IS NOT THAT GOD IS NEVER GOING TO LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO YOU. 

JOY IS NOT THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE SAD. Sadness just will not cripple you to the point you cannot go on living. 

Joy is like a life jacket. No matter how rough the waves get, you are never going to drown. It doesn't mean you aren't going to have to go through the storm. It just means that in the end, you are secure and you are safe. 

Thats the biggest difference between happiness and joy. Happiness depends on the circumstances of life. Happiness is always coming and going as it pleases. Joy on the other hand is only dependent upon the status of your relationship with God. Joy is faithful. Joy never leaves. 

Joy is not a smile permanently plastered on your face

Joy is the reassurance that no matter how badly circumstances hurt right now, they will not overtake or destroy you because you have something stronger inside you. Which is the Holy spirit and legions of angles fighting to defend you.  

So no, happiness is not what I strive for you to obtain.

you will be disappointed 

every 

time

Joy.  Joy is what I want for you, and its something only God can give you. It comes from the fellowship with God. and thankfulness. Thankfulness is the biggest benefactor to joy. If we are constantly thinking about all the things we don't have and are never grateful for all that God has blessed us with, we will never have joy.

Joy is about the heart

and selfishness and ingratitude are heart issues

see how they can not coincide in the same body?

"I"VE GOT THE JOY JOY JOY JOY DOWN IN MY HEART"

"WHERE?"

"DOWN IN MY HEART. "

"WHERE?"

"DOWN IN MY HEART. I'VE GOT THE JOY JOY JOY JOY DOWN IN MY HEART. DOWN IN MY HEART TO STAY"

as petty as this childhood bible school song may seem, it holds a lot of truth.

1. Joy comes from the heart and 2. Joy is there to stay

"though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible an glorious JOY" 1Peter 1:8-9

IN the world, not OF the world

I'm currently sitting in front of my computer with an empty cup of coffee, still dressed in my work uniform; shoes and all. It's a little too late, but when am I not up a a little too late? I was reading through some of my old blogs and I realized that I have not written since January...  *hangs head in shame*

I decided to write about a topic I often discuss with other people. It's a topic that could be debated for ages and I don't think anyone has it completely prefect or balanced. 

It's the age-old question of how to be IN the world, yet not OF the world. For those of you who are not as familiar with the church lingo; basically how do Christians remain active participants in a secular world while not being swayed by a secular world. 

I don't think the answer is as simple as "play it safe" and I would refrain from telling people that they should be "better safe than sorry." God did not command his disciples to stay holed up in their Christian circles and never talk to anyone that is considered bad. We are all considered bad. I'm the worst of all sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). 

Anyway, coming back from my squirrel chase, there is obviously an issue. Christians have to somehow find a balance between being in the world enough to influence, minister, and create disciples.  However, Christians are to be set apart from the rest of the world. To be a city on a hill (Matthew 14:16). To not conform to the patterns of the secular world (Romans 12:2). Its a tightrope walk, and I have trouble walking on flat surfaces sometimes. 

I seem to go through phases. Phases where I spend all of my time with Christians. I pour into them. They pour into me. It's a really great back and forth--incredibly encouraging and spiritually satisfying. However, those are the times that I seem to be less inclined to make friends with non-believers. 

Realizing this, I tend to go into another phase. I spend a large majority of time with non-believers. Its cool to be able to be an example to them. And to be a light to them, however, I usually spend less time with my Christian influences and tend to be influenced by my non-Christian friends. 

I know I haven't started answering any questions yet. I have simply made the questions more extensive and complicated. Welcome to why I was never good at math.

Here's the things. Jesus ate with prostitutes and tax collectors (Matthew 9:11). Yet he spent the majority of his time with his disciples. 

ITTTSSS TTIIMMMEEE FFOOOORRRR W.W.J.D. MAAAAN (What Would Jesus Do) 

So just as Jesus did, we should spend most of out time with people who encourage and help us grow. As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17). We become like the people we hang out with. This is true more than people want to realize. We must also invest time and energy into those who are non-believers. We must show them love, be their friend, care about them. But not live in the same way they do. For a companion of fools will suffer harm (Proverbs 13:20). 

Look, this is not an easy topic. Because there really isn't a definite answer. its not wrong to have non christian friends. God encourages us to love everyone. If we want to know how God feels about this topic, all we have to do is look at how he lived his life. He didn't avoid the people he considered dirty or rotten or "bad." He reached out to them. He loved them. He ate with them. BUT he did so all with a purpose. He did so, so that he might share the gospel with them. He did so, so that they might come to know the light in him, and as a result come to know the father in Heaven.  

We have to be careful in discerning our motives for our friendships. Is it for personal gain? For popularity? Are we going to make an effort to share the light within us? Or are we going to try to hide it in the presence of that person?  

There is no quota for christian vs. no Christian friends. All I ask you to do is search your heart. Have a solid foundation you can always come back to and be encouraged and filled. But go out into the world with the mission to make disciples. Do that, and you will be in pretty good shape. 

 

                                                                          

  

"It's complicated"

lets just talk about Facebook for a moment. 

we got your "single" people

your "in a relationship" people

your "engaged" people

your "married" people

and, of course, my personal favorite "it's complicated"

meaning, in other less fragilely put words, that neither one of you are on the same page as to the status of your relationship.   

Let's look at it this way. Lets say, you have a girlfriend, actually, better yet, a wife. Ok fellas, you're married. You made a vow to forever love this woman you share a roof with. You made a vow to spend the rest of your life with her. Now, lets say, you forget to talk to her one day. 

Lets say, you got so busy you just simply didn't speak to her once. 

Lets say this happens again, 

and again, 

and again. 

Lets say this goes on for months maybe a year.

Thats outrageous, you think.

I would never forget to talk to someone I love so much, you think 

I would never forget to talk to someone I made such a commitment to, you think

Then how do we forget to talk to God?

How do we get too busy to spend a mere ten minutes with him?

I hear a lot of people say that seasons of dryness are nothing to worry about in our relationship with God

But, someone reminded me that it is never God who gets distant or further away...we are the ones who drift and falter.

God is always constant.

But let me get back to my point

a little while back I began to notice a difference in my mood. I was cranky, irritable, impatient, and unhappy. 

I began to be cynical. I would look at a situation and think of the worst outcome. 

I noticed a change in my motivation. I wanted to sleep all the time. I didn't want to be around others. 

I would complain that my relationship with God wasn't as vibrant. Not as close. Not as intimate.

God wasn't the one who had walked away.

I had.

I hadn't been reading my bible. I wasn't praying. and the longer I didn't pray, the more I put it off because I didn't know where to start. I didn't want to deal with the regret and emotions that come with praying after not praying for long periods of time. 

I didn't read my bible because I was stressed out about school. Time in my bible is less time I could be studying. 

But then I would waste hours doing other stuff. 

I was trying to do everything on my own. The more I relied on my own strength, the more I failed. The more I failed the more I didn't spend time with God. The less time I spent with God the more I relied on my own strength. The more I relied on my own strength...

you see the patten. 

I didn't feel like I was good enough to go before the Lord. I began to think that God was disappointed in me for not spending time with him. That he was mad at me. Sad with me.

Lets go back to that hypothetical wife. you are still married to her even if you don't talk to her. the relationship, however, is non-existent. 

Its the same way with God. 

I am still a Christian even if I fall away. My relationship with God, however, varies with how much effort I put into it.

It required me giving up my pride and coming before the Lord and asking for his forgiveness. It required me admitting my priorities were messed up. It required me asking him to help me crave time with him more than I crave anything. 

We do not have to suffer through dryness. 

It doesn't matter how long you have gone without praying. It doesn't matter if you don't know the bible chapters in order. It doesn't matter if you are dirty and stained and flawed.

WE

ALL

ARE

Christ is waiting for you to surrender. To run to him with your arms wide. 

Its not going to be easy. Just like with any relationship, it takes effort. It takes time. It takes intentionality. 

But Christ is the only one who can heal your heart. He is the only one who can make things right. He is the only one who can bring you joy. Who can bring you true fulfillment.

If that sounds cliche, I'm sorry.

Sucks to your asthma 

Its not just a one and done thing with Christ. We cannot just profess our faith in Christ and consider ourselves good for the rest of our lives.

Just like we don't get married with someone and then never talk to them again.

We must constantly be growing in our faith. And we grow by reading God's word to hear what he is teaching us. We grow by praying to him. 

It doesn't have to be complicated.

It can be very very simple. and very very wonderful.

2 Peter 1:5-8New International Version (NIV)

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

ennie meanie minnie moe

I am on my second cup of coffee for tonight. lets do this thing. 

Of course its 12:26 pm, when else would I be writing? 

Lately I have been struggling with the weight of decision making. I am a senior in high school and I am paying my own way for college. In order to accomplish that goal, I have gotten a part time job as a waitress. Already sacrifices have been made. I am not going to participate in a winter sport since I am working. That way I will still be able to be involved in plays and musicals, since I like that better than sports anyway. Not being in a winter sport would give me extra time to invest in other people and my family before I leave for college. I thought I was making the right decision and being responsible. However, lately I have felt unsure, anxious, and attacked that I am making mistakes. I feel like I am letting me team down and my coach down and my friends down and my parents down. People have been nothing but supportive of my decision. My parents never pressured me to get a job. But having enough money to go to college was important to me, and I wanted to start saving now. 

I always knew that I would be responsible for more decision making when I grew up, and I was prepared for that. I was prepared for the way they would affect me. However, our decisions don't just affect us. they affect our family, our friends, our coaches, our teachers. And we are all so scared of disappointing them. I was not prepared for disappointing other people. 

Make that three cups of coffee.

I think as Christians we believe our life has one path. That there is one specific person that is "the one" that there is one college that is "the one" that there is one job that is "the one" and that if we do anything besides pick "the one" we are screwed. That's a lot of pressure if you believe one wrong move will lead you to a life of less-than-what-it-could-have-been. 

I bought into this lie. I spent many anxious night praying to God to tell me which college I was supposed to go to. Many anxious night praying and asking God to show me what people were supposed to be in my life. I was terrified of making the wrong decision because I didn't want to mess up the plan God had for my life.

Here is the thing though. We forget our purpose here on earth--serve God. period. End of story. t-t-t-thats all folks. We are in God's will as long as we are serving him. It doesn't matter what college we go to, if we are serving him. It doesn't matter who we date, as long as the relationship is God centered. There is no such thing as "the one" for anything. God makes certain things available for different seasons of life we are in.  

Choosing one thing will not prevent us from receiving another thing. We are not going to be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of our life if we pick the "wrong" college, or the "wrong"career. Who says you have to stay doing one thing? God will lead us the direction we need to go, and that might be one place for a little while, and another place for a little while, and another place for a little while.

I firmly believe God has called me to work at Cracker Barrel for this season in my life. No, I didn't hear his voice. I didn't get a nice little letter in the mail. But he made it available. He made it work. It has given me the opportunity to meet so many different people. I feel like a light when I am there. That I can just shine the joy of Jesus to whoever I meet. 

Let's pretend I didn't just drink another cup of coffee.

Let's take Joseph for example (colorful coat Joseph, not father of Jesus Joseph). Joseph started out as a shepherd. then he became in charge of Potiphar's house. then he was a prisoner in jail. then he was second in command to all of Egypt. 

God used Joseph wherever he was. It wasn't like Joseph loafed around until he became second in command to Egypt, and then suddenly everything started going perfectly because he had found "the one" god used Joseph right where he was at. right in the middle of the cistern. Right when he was being sold. right when he was wrongly accused and punished. God used the direction of Joseph's life to accomplished his plan.

If we obey God everyday, he will lead us. It isn't about seeking God's will for "important decisions", its about seeking God everyday and serving him--wherever we happen to be for that season in our life.   

Aftertaste

it seems I only feel inspired to write at three in the morning anymore. oh well.

do you ever have those moments when you realize that you really aren't as special as you thought you were?

now don't get me wrong, I am under no impression that I am any gift to this earth, however, I think most people fall under the impression that they are somehow different; that here is me and then there's everybody else. that somehow I see things differently than anyone else. that everyone else falls under the influence to be just like everybody else, but I don't. that I am cooler or more down to earth or more original. I think everyone thinks that. the ironic thing is, everybody thinks everybody else is just like everybody else. trippy, right?

whats my point?

I had a moment a few weeks ago. I hadn't been reading my bible very much lately and I haven't been praying like I should be. In my mind, I was focusing on important things, yanno? Like my school work and my job and play rehearsals. But it was cool because God knows that we still tight. I think as Christians we fall under this misconception that our relationship with God is somehow different than anyone else's on earth--now do not misunderstand me--each of our relationship's with God are individual and special. But at least for me, sometimes I feel that my relationship with God is almost more special than other people's. that God looks forward to hearing from me more than other people. that he is more proud of me, that he expects more from me, that he is more understanding when I screw up than he is with other people. its a hard thing to explain because no one wants to think that they actually think that. who knows, maybe i am the only one. but something that i think is important is being open and vulnerable and real. no one is going to open up to you if you act like you are perfect all the time. and i think as Christians we feel, for some reason, that we must be perfect. 

its not like that at all.

anyway so I was just hit with the force of reality. 

I am just another person on earth. My life is just going to end like all the other billions of people and maybe a few people with cry and be sad, but mostly, life will move on. the end. 

we live our whole lives thinking its going to be this big to-do when we die. but, the sad thing is, its not going to be as earth shattering as we would like to think.

I was overcome with the thought that all this time spent on the things in my life are absolutely meaningless. no one cares if I can quote Friends or Tangled or have a song or movie reference for everything. no one is going to remember that. no one is going to remember what sports I played or what speeches I gave or what newspaper articles I wrote or what roles I played.

when people die, after a while, we focus on just a few things about that person. everything else gets forgotten, and we might remember one or two stand out things. for the most part, however, we remember how that person made us feel.

As I was reading my bible, I came to a realization that my life only has meaning if I let myself be completely used by Christ. Even then, it wont be about me.

As Christians, we are but mere tools Christ uses. our motivation to go be a missionary or whatever shouldn't be so that somebody writes a book on how great of a person we were. Our motivation should be Christ. end of story. 

God doesn't need me. He can use anyone who is willing to complete his task. God used a unlikely Shepard kid. he used a prostitute. he used a man running from his own mistakes. God can use anybody. yes, that means he can use me. but that doesn't mean that he needs to use me. i am not that important. 

most people think about death. I think a lot about the aftertaste I'll leave behind. 

I think more than anything, I want to be remembered as someone who was real and open and honest. I want to be remembered as someone who wasn't too good for anyone. that I met people right where they were at. I want to be remembered as someone who rejoiced when you rejoiced and mourned when you mourned. I want to be remembered as someone who had faith that could move mountains. someone who had love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self-control. someone who loved God more than anyone or anything. 

whenever I die, whether that be tomorrow, or sixty years from now, I don't want people to get up there and talk about how good I was, because we all know I suck. I snore when I sleep. I am selfish. I get jealous. I get mad for no reason. I want to be the best at everything I do. I get sad when people don't like me. I am sarcastic and moody and introverted and a loner. I disappoint the people I love every single day. every single day. I cheat on homework, I speed when I drive. I lie. 

I want people to get up there and say, yeah she wasn't all that great. heck, she wasn't anything special at all, but we loved her anyway. and boy, she really did love Christ. and look at all the amazing ways he worked through her life.

at the end of the day.

and the end of my life.

My prayer is that people get up there and talk about Christ.

modest is not hottest

modest is hottest. or, as i mockingly like to say, modesty is hottesty. Actually, no. modest is not hottest. Because the word "HOT" and the word "MODEST" do not even belong on the same intergalactic playing field. According to Urban Dictionary, HOT by definition is equivalent to SEXY. MODEST by definition means having regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, and dress. When i think of the word sexy, or a person who would be described as sexy, i don't think of the words decent or modest in the same thought stream. I understand the statement that people are trying to make when they say "Modest is hottest" but I hate to break it to you turtle neck aficionados; that saying is completely false.
I have never liked the word hott. at least when it is used toward a female. My pizza rolls do not exactly have the same reservations towards the word. when a male uses the word hot or sexy toward a female; generally he is talking in a derogatory description toward either her boobs or butt or both depending on the curvature of the female. The male is in no way describing the beauty of the females smile or hair or eye color.
if you feel like this is hard to follow, its 2:40 in the morning, so it probably is.
Whats my point?
First, let me go on another rambling rampage featuring an irate female who is quite disappointed in her gender group.
modest is not hottest. being the hottest is not important, however, being modest is.
being modest will not make you ugly.
being modest does not mean you have to wear long sleeved turtle necks on the reg.
being modest does not mean you have to hide any of your beauty
(unless by beauty you mean your cleavage, in which case, please spare us all the show)
being modest simply means you are respecting yourself and looking out for your brothers in Christ.
your body is a temple; Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20temples are treated with respect and dignity and the highest appraisal.
booty shorts that cover about as much as a belt do not exactly scream dignity or respect or anything besides please look at my butt cheeks at your earliest convenience.
second of all, we are called to protect our brothers in Christ.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28lets recap for a minute. y'all remember the ten commandments? Moses? Mount Sinai? Stone tablets? big deal, okay? do not murder, do not steal, do not lie, etc. anywhos; do not commit adultery is one of the ten commandments. If the way we dress is causing one of our brothers in Christ to look at us lustfully, God considers that just as bad as if he had committed adultery.
We are responsible for the first glance.
and we know how to draw the first glance.
but guys should be able to control themselves right? of course they should. A guy is responsible for the second glance and thereafter. He has the choice to look away. But why would you want to dress in a way that forces men to look away so they are not sinning in their hearts?
girls, that's on us. God says that he will hold us accountable if we are causing our brothers in Christ to stumble.
I totally can vouch for the internal conflict of wanting to wear something that seems innocent enough, but I secretly know will draw attention. what girl doesn't want attention from a guy? but ladies, please, that is not the kind of attention you want from guys. If you are offering your body for the whole world to see, that is what you become. a body. and that's all well and good if that's what you are after. Except there is this thing called age, and our once beautiful bodies will one day get pudgy and saggy and wrinkly. and if our body was the only thing we had going for ourselves, well, then we are plum out of luck.
Dressing modestly does not prohibit men from seeing our beauty. its not like putting a paper bag over our head and spraying pepper spray at anything with male genitalia.
it does the exact opposite.
dressing modestly keeps men from making you an object, and diverts the attention to the areas that are important. your sense of humor, your character, your beautiful smile, your crinkly eyes.
am I making any sense?
or do i sound worse than your mother when you wanted to buy your first bikini?
listen, there is no cut and dry criteria for how to dress modestly. but, from what i have observed, most girls could do to burn their entire wardrobe.
i don't know, I am no Mother Teresa, but i just wish girls could see that wearing practically nothing does not make them worth something more.
conclusion: modest is NOT hottest. Modesty is worth so so much more.  Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—  but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4

 

      

All aboard the relation ship

relationship. relation. ship. a ship of relations. ships relationing. Relations shipping. Relationship has a plethora of connotations and definitions. All the same word. so many different meanings. it could be a friend to friend relationship. a parent to child. sibling to sibling. courting. dating. "talking". texting. Facebook stalking. okay, okay, it does not take a relationship to Facebook stalk. but I have made my point. so whats my point? *crickets chirping* clearly i have not. My point is, relationships are important. So very important. they surround us everyday. and just because your Facebook status does not read "in a relationship" does not mean you are not in one. You are simply not in a dating relationship. The reason I bring this up, is that relationships have never been my, whats the word I am looking for here, my strong point per-say. I am not a very good communicator. I have a tendency to fall off the face of the earth and not talk to people for days at a time. I do not know how to start conversations. half the time I feel unwelcome in social situations (my awkward stand-off-ish-ness could have something to do with this). and my sense of humor does not bode well with the general population and I have a tendency to come off way wrong to people. I become friends with people but then think they probably didn't really like me and they were just being nice and so i don't invest in the relationship further. and my heavenly father who loves to help me grow has shown me, quite blatantly, that I need to work on my relationships with people. In my bible study, the theme was parent child relationships. in youth group the theme was relationships. in church, the sermon was relationships.and constantly throughout the week the theme of relationships kept popping up. (God sure knows how to grab my attention.) The first area that I felt needed the most quick action was my relationship with my hormonally imbalanced the-whole-world-is-out-to-get-me 13 year old sister. *sympathetic nods from audience* Everyone knows that living with a girl in her growing season of life. in her awkward trying to figure out who she is time, is, quite simply, torture. these monsters can go from laughing to bawling in a span of 1.3 seconds. Yet, I was a middle school girl too. Not to say I was as bad as that (but doesn't everyone think they weren't that bad?) but shouldn't I be able to extend understanding and grace? Why do I find myself so short of patience and finally giving up with a sarcastic comment and an exasperated sigh? or more commonly a fight about the most insignificant things? I started to think about this in depth. My sister and I used to get along fairly well. Most of the time it would be me dragging her along to do things with me so I wouldn't look like a total loner. but now? we cant even be in the same room for five minutes. everything I say is a personal attack on her, and everything she does requires a correction (or so I think) I realized that if I wasn't growing in my relationship with God or that I was neglecting my time with him, my other relationships would suffer as well. I began to realize my sister was trying to tell  me she needed my love, but she didn't really know how. I realized that in order to avoid the fighting i avoided the relationship. Instead of solving the problem I was running away from it. I realized that nothing I would say would mean anything to her without a relationship with her. I needed to start listening, no matter how hard to follow. and I needed to hear her out, even when what she was telling me was what i was doing wrong. and I needed to treat her like the young woman she was becoming. The second area  i felt convicted in was my relationships with my peers. or my lack of relationships with my peers. quite simply. I don't generally talk unless spoken to. I don't generally go out of my way to talk to people I don't know. and big crowds freak me out. If you asked someone at my school who I am they would most likely reply with, who? How in the world am I supposed to be reaching out to people if I don't reach out. How can I share the gospel if i never speak? How are people supposed to see the work of Christ in my life and the joy he has brought to me if i am stone faced Sally over here all the time? (Thomas Glenn I believe you are the one who told me I never smile, and you were not the first, nor the last). I cant just cover up my lack of actions with "I am socially awkward" and move on. because God said being a Christian is hard, and by golly, sorry to break it to you loners, but if you are a Christian and you honestly want to live out the life God has called to you, you have to leave your loner corner behind and start socializing. Christ said to go to the ends of the earth proclaiming the gospel, not the ends of your wits just trying to carry on a normal conversation. Relationships are hard, man. But they are important. Something I really liked that Pastor Terry talked about was that in our relationships we are the biggest problem. translated: in my relationships, I am the biggest problem. In my relationship with my sister? who is the biggest problem? her? *internal battle* its me! I am the biggest issue. I can't blame her for every fight and disagreement because i am just as guilty. I can't say no one likes me when I don't offer anything for people to like. every relationship is a two way street and if everyone believed they were the biggest issue, there would be no issues. I believe Christ has the power to radically transform any relationship you are in or are struggling with. If you really want to save or fix your earthly relationships, you first need to grow in your relationship with the Lord. also, disclaimer, sorry if you were expecting significant other relationship advice. my knowledge is a negative one. but I know a guy. Ever heard of  the Song of Psalms? Its in this handy dandy little book called the bible. been around for centuries. its real retro for all you hipsters. and it has all the relationship advice you will ever need in it. you're welcome.