If you can't say anything nice....

Growing up in a home with seven other siblings, it seemed the phrase "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" was the music that played in the background of my childhood. Silence was preferred over harsh or angry words. Understandably so. However, a common confusion results from this sing-song advice. The misconception is this--as long as you don't speak out loud the mean things you are thinking, you are not doing anything wrong.

The problem with this reasoning is that it is completely false. Our thoughts do matter. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

I'm mentally picturing animated thoughts as little soldiers

Besides Inside Out takes on Call of Duty, What does this verse mean? This verse proves a number of important points. Number one: our thoughts do matter. We are accountable for what we think. Number two: God demands obedience from us in EVERY aspect, including our thoughts. Number three: we do have control over what we think. God enables us through the Holy Spirit to reign in those sinful thoughts.

I want to make clear a very important point. I am not referring to instantaneous thoughts that pop into your head. I realize that we do not have control over those. However, once those thoughts come into our mind we have two choices. One; we can nip the thought in the bud and think about something else. Or two; keep the thought fermenting in our mind making us sour as well.

I think about in my own life how I so often times keep thoughts around. I dwell on a situation, recalling again and again how rude that lady I waited on was to me. I would imagine what I would have said if I was a different person. I often hear it said that what we focus on gets magnified. When we dwell on the wrong someone has committed against us; that situation becomes magnified as well as our emotions regarding the situation.

Another important point to make is that we can only think something for so long until it becomes more than just what we think. I can only imagine giving sass back to people I wait on for so long until I actually start giving sass. Our thoughts have a lot of power over us and can determine our actions whether we want them to or not.

My freshman year of high school I was friends with someone who would curse a lot. Not being a swearer myself, I did not think I was in any danger being around this person because my fifteen year old self had it all figured out. I was strong enough not to be influenced by this person. However, after months of being around this person my thoughts started to sound a whole lot like my friend's voice. If I forgot something, my mind would sound like my friend's voice. If I hurt myself, my thoughts would sound like my friend's voice. If I was angry, my thoughts would sound like my friend's voice.
I still remember this day like it was yesterday. I was talking to this same friend about something that had occurred the day before when suddenly his jaw dropped to the floor. In that same moment, I realized what his reaction was all about. I had just cussed. Unknowingly. In a normal everyday conversation. I had spent so much time THINKING the curse words that it was only a matter of time before I actually spoke them.

Philippians 4:8 says: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

God does not just tell us to not think about bad things. He actively encourages us to dwell on everything good and admirable. Why? because our actions reflect our thoughts. If our thoughts are negative, our actions will be negative. If our thoughts are positive, our actions will be positive. If our thoughts are always focused on ourselves, our actions will be selfish. If our thoughts are focused on others, our actions will reflect service.

It's a concept so simple, it seems juvenile. However, aren't the most difficult things usually the most simple sounding?

A friend of mine has a saying: Sew an attitude, reap a thought. Sew a thought, reap an action. Sew an action, reap a habit. Sew a habit, reap a character. Sew a character, reap a destiny.

Or thoughts are directly correlated to what kind of person we become.

Our mouth isn't the issue. It's our hearts. Matthew 12:24 says: "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." The issue alone does not rest of what you said. It goes further than even what you thought. It goes to the core; the reason WHY you thought such a thing, and why you let the thought fester inside so long. It goes to root issues like jealously, anger, bitterness, resentment, discontent. None of those things are pure or lovely or admirable. None of those things should be taking up any space in our hearts.

Christ came so that he might give us freedom from the chains of our thoughts. He came so that he might give us freedom from the depths of our sinful hearts. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says: "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone away, behold, the new has come."

When we are made new in Christ, we are a new creation. We have a new heart. Our hearts are no longer sin infested but filled with the Holy Spirit. It is fruitless to try to change our thoughts without the Holy Spirit. Yet, though the Holy Spirit, we are given power to work though even our most deep seeded thought battles.

So, no. Instead of not saying anything at all when we can't say anything nice, we should reflect on our thoughts and deal with the heart issue going on there.        

A cup too full

As a believer in Jesus Christ I am often around people who talk about the goodness God is doing in their life. They speak about how God is blessing them abundantly and how he is doing far more in their life than they could have ever imagined a few years ago. They freely talk of the wealth they have been blessed with that they simply had to do without a year ago. Interestingly enough, they have found a place for every single penny; not one of those places being the offering tray at church.

I also hear people speak of mentors they have in their life. They talk about how certain people have walked into their life and shown them God's love, mercy, and generosity. They talk about how much they admire that person or persons; how they wouldn't have been able to get through such-and-such trial without so-and-so. They tell freely about the people who held their hand through multiple trials and were their rock--the person who encouraged and inspired them to grow closer to God and develop a closer and more intimate relationship with him. However, you don't always see those same people show the same level of love, generosity and Godly influence in others' lives. You don't always see those same people invest in others to the same degree they were invested in.

Sometimes when Christians talk of others investing in their spiritual walk, they say that they "poured into them." Well, let's say for the sake of an illustration, that the spiritual "pouring" into is milk. If you are continually being poured into, with milk, the milk will eventually go sour. You only need as much milk as can fill your cup. When your cup starts to overflow--with blessing and encouragement--that's when it is your turn to pour out onto others so that their cup may too overflow and they can continue the cycle.

Its an illustration, and a rough one at that, however, I think it makes my idea pretty clear.

To make it understood I am not under any impression this illustration does not apply to me, and to prove that I am not some self righteous Pharisee pretending I am better than the people I am speaking to, I will speak of myself instead of the hypothetical person.

I am currently in Georgia sitting inside a cute coffee shop in midtown Columbus. I have a full belly from a quesadilla that my wonderful friend made for me amidst her work. I have been able to read, write and blog all day while she works her job at the coffee house. I was able to afford a trip to come visit her because of God's provision for me and his unrelenting protection. He blessed me with a job where he blessed my hand at waitressing; making my successful and respected. In this moment, it would be easy for me to imagine that I got myself here. It would be easy to give myself all the credit for the tips I received at work. However, if anyone has ever served before, they know that actually getting a tip is sometimes a miracle. Anyone who has ever served before knows that its an act of God if all your tables get all their food right even if you entered the order in correctly. I have no reason to boast of anything.

It is an act of God that I arrived safely from Indiana to Georgia. Nothing went wrong with my flight. there was no delay. The plane didn't crash. I am still alive. Sometimes, living from one day to the next is the biggest miracle of all.

I was recently talking with one of the women in my life who have faithfully poured into me. We sat warming our hands on white glazed clay coffee mugs, sipping our black coffee with our heads bent toward each other talking in soft and rapid tones of excitement. I was sharing with her the joyful news of how God had miraculously made a way for me to be able to go on the missions trip. I started sharing with her what God had revealed to me. I told her that I often find myself falling into depression and self-pity; in those times I inevitably focus on myself. I focus on all the wrong I feel people are doing to me, how unjustly I feel I am being treated, how no one understands what I am going through, and how I am all alone even though I have a Savior who gave up his life for me and has never left my side.

I confessed that I was self-centered. I was selfish. I was miserable to be around. But then I started serving. I told her I have recently began watching a couple families' children in the mornings. I told her that by watching those kids, I have found my attention is drawn less on myself and instead pointed toward the children I am watching, loving, serving, and protecting. Children do something for selfish and self-centered people. They have such an abandon and a trust for people. They truly humble people. When a child, or children depend one-hundred percent on you to keep them safe, there is no time to wallow in self-pity. I found that by focusing solely on myself in an effort to relieve my depression, I simply made it worse. The greatest thing you can do is NOT focus on yourself--love and serve others and you will find the burden begins to lift.

When a cup of milk becomes too full, it goes sour. When we are continually being poured into, yet never pour into others in return; we go sour as well.

I encourage you today to sit and think about the blessings you have in your life--the people who have invested in you and the blessings God has bestowed on you. I want you then to think about how you can return their goodness to you by becoming that person to someone else. By giving to others what had has freely given you. We are not called as Christians to be blessed; we are called to serve and bless others. God blesses us just because he's awesome.

Over and out.