Broken Vessel

For the past two months I have been working at a horse ranch.

Whenever I inform friends, family, and nosy strangers of my place of employment, the general reaction is "I didn't know you liked horses!"

I then proceed to give my classic awkward laugh and say I didn't know I liked horses either. I never thought about horses, never asked my parents to buy me a pony, and the only time I rode a horse was when our trail guide thought I said I had nine boyfriends when I had told him none.

There have been a handful of times when the Lord has prompted me to do something. A gentle nudge in the direction of the dark unknown. There have been a handful of times when I whispered "I trust you, Lord" and dove headfirst into whatever he wanted to teach me.

Achaius Ranch, located 15 minutes from where I live had never been on my radar. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know it existed and probably wouldn't have been too interested even if I had known. Why does a horse ranch concern me? I wasn't looking for a second job and I wasn't exactly miss cowgirl material.

Lord, I love your sense of humor.

I have begun to recognize the gentle pull of my heart that Jesus performs with such precision. I didn't know why I was feeling the tug as I stumbled across the Achaius Ranch Facebook page. Like birds flying south without understanding the science behind seasons and global temperature, I followed the gentle whisper of Christ and applied to work at a ranch I had never even heard of.

I suppose I assumed the Lord had led me to experience a glorious adventure. You know, riding beautiful horses into the vast sunset. Yeah sure, I would be working with kids but they would all be cooperative and polite and of course eager to learn. I thought maybe Jesus wanted me to have a summer of relaxation and self discovery.

I imagined my first day on the ranch would be something out of a movie where a horse chooses me, being able to see in my eyes that I possess a special quality that he has not found in anyone else. I imagined him trusting me instantly, and quickly becoming my best friend.

You can imagine my surprise when introduced to Sparky, he turned his hind end to me, completely uninterested in the 19-year-old girl wearing dorky rain boots. It wasn't exactly the instant connection I had envisioned. I learned most of the horses had been abused. That some of them didn't trust humans. That the children that rolled up the gravel path were sometimes just as broken as the spirits of the horses.

Sparky wasn't the horse I wanted. He was bigger than the Hafflinger pony Merlin. He is unpredictable and moody. He bites when he is nervous and he spooks easily.

Mostly, he made it difficult when I thought it was supposed to be easy.

I thought I should be able to just hop on a horse, instead of reassuring Sparky for 10 minutes worth of groundwork that everything was going to be okay. I didn't think my getting frustrated and impatient would make any difference to a horse. I didn't know that horses are especially in tune to what we are feeling.

Part of my job is being able to recognize holes in the horse's training. Holes such as being scared of being away from the other horses, or being scared of a child running up to it. I was ready and alert to find and fix all the holes in Sparky. I had my paper and unforgiving red pen to take inventory of all I needed to work on with Sparky.

Little did I know Sparky had his own pen and paper and was taking note of my flaws. Sparky revealed my lack of patience. He revealed my obsession with wanting to be good at everything I do instantly. He showed me how quick I am to frustration and he forced me to control it.

Mostly Sparky taught me how to love him unconditionally. Even when he makes me cry. Even when he knocks me off. Even when he bites me a little too hard.

How is this any different than the way Christ loves us?

We turn our hind end to Christ; pretending we simply forgot to read our bible. Pretending like we aren't fully aware what we are about to do is not pleasing to the Lord. We are not ideal for the Lord. We are broken and dirty sinners, much like horses with emotional baggage and Christ brushes our mane and reassures us that everything is going to be okay no matter how irrational our fears are.

Christ gives us a second chance at life with the message of the gospel in the same way Achaius Ranch has given these broken horses a second chance at a life away from the abuse they experienced.

Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Christ uses the most broken and downtrodden to show how great he is and how much his love is able to heal. The healing I witnessed in Sparky was just a finger pointing to the greater healing Christ does in people everyday.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body" (2 Corinthians 4:7-10).

When I worked at Twin Lakes my counselor and I would do an demonstration with our campers about the illustration of the broken vessel. A vessel was the pitcher women would have carried water in from the well to their family. It was crucial no cracks or holes were in the vessel or else it became entirely useless.

We took a paper cup and cut out pieces. It is ruined the girls declared. Tarnished. Good for nothing and useful for no good purpose. You can no longer drink water out of it. It belong in the trash can.

Much like we are before Christ.

We then took a candle and set it inside the destroyed cup. Light burst forth from every broken edge and every ugly tear. It became beautiful and useful.

Christ is the light. Made perfect and beautiful in our brokenness.

Healing us from the inside out.