If you can't say anything nice....

Growing up in a home with seven other siblings, it seemed the phrase "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" was the music that played in the background of my childhood. Silence was preferred over harsh or angry words. Understandably so. However, a common confusion results from this sing-song advice. The misconception is this--as long as you don't speak out loud the mean things you are thinking, you are not doing anything wrong.

The problem with this reasoning is that it is completely false. Our thoughts do matter. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

I'm mentally picturing animated thoughts as little soldiers

Besides Inside Out takes on Call of Duty, What does this verse mean? This verse proves a number of important points. Number one: our thoughts do matter. We are accountable for what we think. Number two: God demands obedience from us in EVERY aspect, including our thoughts. Number three: we do have control over what we think. God enables us through the Holy Spirit to reign in those sinful thoughts.

I want to make clear a very important point. I am not referring to instantaneous thoughts that pop into your head. I realize that we do not have control over those. However, once those thoughts come into our mind we have two choices. One; we can nip the thought in the bud and think about something else. Or two; keep the thought fermenting in our mind making us sour as well.

I think about in my own life how I so often times keep thoughts around. I dwell on a situation, recalling again and again how rude that lady I waited on was to me. I would imagine what I would have said if I was a different person. I often hear it said that what we focus on gets magnified. When we dwell on the wrong someone has committed against us; that situation becomes magnified as well as our emotions regarding the situation.

Another important point to make is that we can only think something for so long until it becomes more than just what we think. I can only imagine giving sass back to people I wait on for so long until I actually start giving sass. Our thoughts have a lot of power over us and can determine our actions whether we want them to or not.

My freshman year of high school I was friends with someone who would curse a lot. Not being a swearer myself, I did not think I was in any danger being around this person because my fifteen year old self had it all figured out. I was strong enough not to be influenced by this person. However, after months of being around this person my thoughts started to sound a whole lot like my friend's voice. If I forgot something, my mind would sound like my friend's voice. If I hurt myself, my thoughts would sound like my friend's voice. If I was angry, my thoughts would sound like my friend's voice.
I still remember this day like it was yesterday. I was talking to this same friend about something that had occurred the day before when suddenly his jaw dropped to the floor. In that same moment, I realized what his reaction was all about. I had just cussed. Unknowingly. In a normal everyday conversation. I had spent so much time THINKING the curse words that it was only a matter of time before I actually spoke them.

Philippians 4:8 says: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

God does not just tell us to not think about bad things. He actively encourages us to dwell on everything good and admirable. Why? because our actions reflect our thoughts. If our thoughts are negative, our actions will be negative. If our thoughts are positive, our actions will be positive. If our thoughts are always focused on ourselves, our actions will be selfish. If our thoughts are focused on others, our actions will reflect service.

It's a concept so simple, it seems juvenile. However, aren't the most difficult things usually the most simple sounding?

A friend of mine has a saying: Sew an attitude, reap a thought. Sew a thought, reap an action. Sew an action, reap a habit. Sew a habit, reap a character. Sew a character, reap a destiny.

Or thoughts are directly correlated to what kind of person we become.

Our mouth isn't the issue. It's our hearts. Matthew 12:24 says: "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." The issue alone does not rest of what you said. It goes further than even what you thought. It goes to the core; the reason WHY you thought such a thing, and why you let the thought fester inside so long. It goes to root issues like jealously, anger, bitterness, resentment, discontent. None of those things are pure or lovely or admirable. None of those things should be taking up any space in our hearts.

Christ came so that he might give us freedom from the chains of our thoughts. He came so that he might give us freedom from the depths of our sinful hearts. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says: "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone away, behold, the new has come."

When we are made new in Christ, we are a new creation. We have a new heart. Our hearts are no longer sin infested but filled with the Holy Spirit. It is fruitless to try to change our thoughts without the Holy Spirit. Yet, though the Holy Spirit, we are given power to work though even our most deep seeded thought battles.

So, no. Instead of not saying anything at all when we can't say anything nice, we should reflect on our thoughts and deal with the heart issue going on there.